Amalia

Every Tuesday I visit our first host grandma- Amalia.  Amalia calls me 'mi hija' (my daughter) and always prepares a special meal for our Tuesday visits. These special meals are, unfortunately, not always things I actually want to eat (mmm....cow hoof soup! For me? Oh, Amalia you don't need to do so much!) but she usually makes me a hot chicheme (hot corn or rice...drink? I guess...but it is good!) or a good hot meal.  I don't visit Amalia, though, for the food.  I visit her because she is amazing.

Amalia has given me reason to reflect on definitions of beauty, strength, happiness and success.  The more I learn about her the more she both amazes and teaches me.

I know that Amalia cannot be understood in a blog post,  but Amalia is such an important part of my Peace Corps experience that I feel like I have to do my best.

Amalia is 70 years old. She came to Boqueron 'oh! hace añññooooos' which means a long time ago but she has no idea what year it was or how old or anything.I do know she was one of the first four families in Boqueron. The way she explained it me was that she came to Boqueron after she had, and later lost, her fourth child in Santa Fe where she was living before.  She and her husband, Alfredo (they were married in the Catholic Church, by the way, something very rare for folks in our community. She has a lot of pride in this) picked up and moved out this way (halfway across the country) because there was more potential work for her husband. She had her family there in Santa Fe but had gone through so much pain with the children that she knew it would be best to moved.

Amalia and I first became friends when, after we had been in their house/Boqueron for three weeks, I had a rough day. For one reason or another, at this point I really don't know, I was crying. I didn't want to make a big deal out of anything and thought I was just doing the little sniffle thing, but Amalia came over and started telling me about when she and Alfredo moved from Santa Fe to Boqueron, the first time she had been away from her father and her brother and sisters that she helped raise (her mother died when she was 12 making Amalia the woman of the house). She said being away form her family was so hard that sometimes she would cry too.  She told me that it was OK to miss my family sometimes, that it would be hard living so far away. Instantly I felt a connection to Amalia that I had not felt before.  It personalized her in a way that I hadn't felt yet, sill feeling at that point like a gringo living with Panamanians...not that the experience up to then hadn't been nice, but I just started seeing Amalia in a compltely different way that has since stuck.

Now every Tuesday when I go over I get another glimpse into her life. Just a few weeks ago she explained to me about giving birth to all 12(!!!) of her children. Never in a hospital. Never near a hosital. Every single one in the campo, rural, usually alone sometimes maybe just a child or two around.  She took care of the umbilical chord, of everything, on her own. She told me that one time a neighbor had heard her screaming and the next day told her. She told me that this was because "when you give birth there is a lot of pain" (downplayed a bit, wouldn't you say?) Sometimes she talks to me about what it was like to lose her children, sometimes she will  say it as though it was all one big experience and other times she will talk about one specific child. Of the 12 children Amalia had there are 4 living.She didn't lose her children in childbirth, they were children, some adolescents,  who caught illnesses that could have been cured or treated with then-modern medicine. She just had no access to a hospital. Some children died in accidents.  She told me once that for a long time she was scared of the night time because all of her children died during the night.  

But she will say these things- things that in one breath can just break my heart into a million pieces just thinking about her living those experiences- and then she will say something happy or see a toucan flying past and smile the biggest broadest smile you've ever seen. And the woman laughs all day long. Sometimes in her own world, sometimes winking at me across the way,  but laughing laughing laughing.  Sean once described Amalia as our personal Buddha and if you could see her smile and laugh (the smile in the picture above is almost there, you can pretty well see how happy she is) I think it would make sense.  She is a woman who is very at peace with where she is in life. She takes pleasure in the everyday things life has to offer- cooking and eating, being with people she loves, sharing what little she has with others, etc.  Here is a woman who has been through more pain that anyone desrves to experience and has come out the other side with nothing but happiness for those things she does have. That kind of happiness is contagious.

Amalia can do some amazing things. She taught me how to make cornstarch out of arrow root, how to peel corn from the pre-cooked cob, how to take the rice her son harvested in the morning and turn it into sellable new rice (he brings it on leaves, she takes them off and cooks the rice for a few hours to make it more valuable), how to de-shell coffee....let's stop here for a second. This deshlling coffee business is no easy task. You watch her do it and it blows your mind. How can one tiny body have that much strength? She essentially puts the coffee beans into a giant (like stomach-high) mortar and uses a humungous pestle (though not so wide at the bottom, more just like a really huge wide wood stick that weighs a lot) lifting it up high, using all of her back and then slamming it down into the container again and again until all of the shells have seperated from the beans.  This is life! She is working her ass off all day everyday and with the biggest smile you've ever seen.  She tells me "When we moved here there would be women who would buy rice! Buy rice! Can you imagine? I peeled our rice and that is what we ate every night. I saved our family a lot of money" She has that same philiosphy all of these years later, working any way she can to save some money for the family.Amalia is pretty sick. She is 70 years old (71 on the 26th) and her body has been burdened with every one of those 70 years. Sometimes she seems so frail- when her arthritis is acting up or when I surprise her and no one else is home and I find her with her head in her hands clearly in pain. Her knees and feet are almost always swollen, her neck currently has two large lumps and I know they found a lump in her breast last year.  She will have weeks of major stomach problems and the years of cooking over a wood-burning fagon or breathign in burning plasic fumes when burning her garbage can be heard in her coughs and respiratory problems.  But then other times, maybe most of the time, it is impossible to tell that Amalia could possibly be sick, or possibly be 70.  She doesn't seem frail at all, instead she seems like she has more strength in her arthritic pinky than I do in my 27 year old body. Watching the way she works day in and day out I forget that just a week ago she was having headaches or...whatever. 

The thing about Amalia is that she doesn't let you remember her weaknesss...or maybe she doesn't even let herself remember her weaknesses.  All day she wakes up with the energy and desire to play a vital role in her family (it is, by the way, herself and her two youngest sons (47 and 28) in the home).  The go out and work the farm and she takes care of the product/food once it gets back to the house. She makes sure that everyone who swings by (myself included) has a hot plate in front of them. She doesn't say no to work, to a stroll to the neighbors house or an unexpected visitor. And most luckily for me, she doesn't say no to a friend.  How lucky I am to have had the last year to get to know her and I only hope I've added an iota of the light to her world that she has added to mine.


Just walking home from a neighbor's house

The last bit of trail on the way to her house. She wanted to be barefoot but said her son would get mad.



Community

As we enter into our second years as Peace Corps Volunteers (WHAT!!???) one of the things that has been really striking me about our experience in Boqueron is the sense of community that we feel.  This works on multiple levels- first is the sense of community in living in a small close-knit community. Second is the in the sense of how a part of that community we feel.

It isn't just Boqueron, but Panama in general, that fosters a strong sense of community.  It happens everyday that we are sitting on a packed diablo rojo (public bus) full of strangers, people that have nevermet before, and someone gets onto the bus and says "Buenas Dias!" and the entire bus responds "Buenas Dias". Meetings are the same way- someone will show up an hour and a half late (and by this I mean an hour and a half after the meeting finally started, so more like 2 and a half hours late) and someone is in the middle of talking and this person will say a big "Buenas Dias!" to the entire meeting and then go from person to person shaking hands and asking "Como Estas? and the meeting will be on hold until we go through this. It would be WAY ruder for the person to show up late, quietly sneak in the back and wait for what we American's might call 'an appropriate moment', to share her salutations.

You can't walk down the road and pass a house with someone on their porch without at least shouting a "Buenas". If you pass someone in the street you have to at the very least stop, acknowledge the weather, recognize that one of you is, yes, going up the road and that the other one is, yes, going down the road and then tell each other that you will see each other later. If you don't have that non-conversation (we both, of course, could already tell who was going up the road and who was going down. And what the weather was like) it would be all too rude.  Now, in the states this would involve adding a half an hour to your commute when you are schedulign when to head out of the house, but in Panama you leave at the same time and very respectfully just show up a half an hour late to your engagement.

This took some getting used to for me. I was always rushingrushingrushing to get to class/ a meeting on time and felt almost put-off by these unneccessary, pointless conversations when I had PLACES TO GO  and THINGS TO DO.  And didn't these folks, stopping and talking to me like they had all day, have things to do?? It feels so silly to be typing this now, so embarassing, because I get it now. Of course they have places to go and things to do, too, but never more important than saying hello to someone who lives down the road from them. Their concept of time and of community is just so different than what I was used to. They will get to their work and they will get it done, but they will always share a smile, a greeting, a small conversation with those around them. Now that is how I live my life, and before where I was putoff, I literally am excited for each (ok, most) conversation(s). It is those everyday conversations that have bonded me to the people in my community, that has made us friends insterad of strangers and that make Peace Corps what it is. I wish the US culture included more time/less awkwardness in talking to strangers.


In terms of feeling a part of the community, I have a little anecdote to share:
When we came back from our trip to the US (which was amazing, relaxing, family-filled and the perfect way to transition form year one to year two) Sean got a bad bout of food poisioning.  He literally threw up for 16 hours, even when he had nothing left to throw up. He was hurting and miserable and I felt bad but, what could I do? We had a really important meeting that day and I at least had to go so that our presence would be there even if we both couldn't make it.  I of course could not hide that Sean was not there and everyone was asking where he was, why was he not at this improtant meeting? Did he decide to stay in the United States?  Did I lose him?  I explained that no, unfortunately Sean was sick and vomiting and that he could not come to the meeting, but I knew exactly where he was.  The last part relieved them all, but they were concerned abuot his health and all told me to tell him that they hoped he felt better. The meeting ended (six hours later) and I went home to check on Sean.

He was still sick, there was still nothing I could do except for be nice.  A few hours later 8 year old Angel came by and said " My mom wants to know if Sean is still sick?" And I told him that yes, he was. "Then my mom says you need to come to my house, Sarah." I said OK and walked down to their house where his parents were anxiously awaiting news on Sean. As soon as they found out he was still sick the mother jumped up and started making some awful smelling concoction in the kitchen. About a half hour later she presented me with some combination of burnt rice and burnt coffee (heavier on the coffee side, it was a drink). She told me to take it to Sean and serve him small HOT cups of this drink every hour until it was gone and that then he would feel better. I accepted the task and headed out for my long walk home with a small pot of what I knew Sean would never consider drinking.  I got about a house away before someone shouted at me "How is Sean!??"
 "Still sick", I responded. 
Her hand signals indicated I should wait just a moment, and then they came running out with a handful of leaves. "Use this to make a tea. Serve it to him hot and he will feel better right away."
"What is this?"
"They are leaves!"
"Right. Thank you very much!"
"And remember, if you ever need anything, ever, please let us know."

I walked away, feeling warm and fuzzy from this last comment, which her strong eye contact told me was meaningful, feeling like there was at least a chance that Sean would try this remedy, and feeling a little embarassed that she thought I didn't know that they were leaves. She obviously didn't get my question.

I made it to the next house, the neighbor having overheard my shout that Sean was still sick, and was greeted with a bottle of pepto bismol. This had even less chance than the coffee, Sean is not what you would call a fan of medicines, so I made up a story about us already having a bottle and set out at a high speed hoping to make it home without another stop. Which I did.

As expected, the coffee was not even allowed entry into the house. The smell alone, Sean said, made him want to puke again. I brought the leaves in so he would at least think about making a tea from them, but then general 'leaves' answer made him wary to try it. He was on the mend, though still feeling weak. We were just taking it easy, Sean in the hammock resting.  A little while latere, when it was pitch black out, we heard Sean's name being called from outside. We opened the door and the first family (who made the coffee) was all standing outside our door with flashlights. There were the parents, plus Angel, plus their older daughter and the brother and sister-in-law of the wife.  They came to check on Sean and to offer a new kind of medicine.
In the pitch-black night lit up only by fireflies, the family at first sitting on turned over buckets that we quickly converted into outside seating, and then standing with hands held, we were on the receiving end of a long and beautiful prayer for Sean's health.  I can't overstate what it meant that this family hiked up to our house in the dark- we are considered far away from them and very few people are out walking around at night. They were truly converned about Sean and wanted to do everything in their power to help him, including calling on a higher power.
It was a different experience for us, one a year ago I might have found awkward. But that night it was so special. There was a lot of love and care in tghe entire experience and it was just nice. Really a nice thing for them to do.  The next morning Sean felt better.  We told the coffee/prayer folks that their combination was a life saver! And the tea lady that her tea was something truly special- a miracle worker.  And the Pepto-Bismol lady that was what had probably done the trick. 
But I think Sean was just feeling all the love.

Happy 50th Peace Corps!

I was doing techinical training for the new group of trainees (volunteers in just two weeks!) when Peace Corps turned 50 on Tuesday. It was a great chance to celebrate and take a moment with 40+ likeminded folks to reflect on what we were doing- and why.

To be honest, taking the time to reflect on the history of the Peace Corps made me prouder of my decision to join than I have ever been. Sometimes it feels like a selfish decision because it is something I always wanted to be a part of and because I am getting so much out of it. Even on my tough days I know that this is what I signed up for, in a lot of ways I have wanted the tough days because I know those are the experiences that change you, that make you ...I don't even know to explain what those changes are, I can see them in myself but it is not easy to state...but this job is hard! Peace Corps' tagline is 'the toughest job you'll ever love' and I don't think it could be put better than that.  There are really tough times and a lot of work and frustrations but working with amazing people in beautiful places and constantly- every day- learning. The exchange between community members and volunteers is what makes the PC experience what it is. By approaching each other as equals we are able to capitalize on one anothers experiences, it is what makes a PCV able to come back transformed- as the learner- and to have had a sustainable impact on his/her community- as an educator (which feels to strong of a word, but you know what I mean). Peace Corps wouldn't work if we didn't get something out of it- not because people wouldn't want to participate but because sustainability does not work if you are not willing to listen and learn from the people with whom you are working. So many failures have resulted from a lack of communication, a missunderstanding.

In rememberence of the passing of Sargent Shriver and his important role in the beggining years of the Peace Corps, we read a section of a graduation speech he made about a year after Peace Corps was started to the trainees.  Here are some of my favorite parts:

''We have decided," one Volunteer wrote, "to match our actions with our convictions."

There is no such thing as an average Peace Corps Volunteer -- except in age, which is 25 for the men and 28 for the women.

There are, however, some characteristics that are similiar.

They are serious, decided, and determined.They are under no illusions. They know life on any frontier -whether Kansas one hundred years ago or Colombia today ---demands the "constancy to purpose" which Disraeli 'said is the secret of success.

Willingly and eagerly they have tackled the big task of studying the rudiments of a foreign language, of learning a new culture and a new people, of preparing themselves to teach, to work in the hospitals or laboratories, or in the fields.

They are a new breed of Americans overseas.

They are not trying to impose their wills on the people with whom they are working. They are working for the foreigner -- not vice versa.

They are speaking his language.

They live under his laws.

They are not trying to change his religion.

They are not trying to make a profit from conducting business in his country.

They are there to do a job --- to share their know-how and skill -and to train teachers, engineers, mechanics, carpenters, home economists, soil specialists, tractor and farm equipment operators, agricultural extension workers , and laboratory technicians.

They are there to work with and learn from those with whom they teach. Like Johnny Appleseed, they are multiplying their influence and leaving a part of their lives wherever they serve.


AND

What is the Peace Corps supplying that has been missing from our foreign policy? I think it is a personal touch. Pamphlets, radio broadcasts, films --- as good as they are, are largely impersonal. To communicate our concern and interest, to express in an awakening land the values of a free and pluralistic society -- people must work with people, people must teach people. Human beings and human values are what democracy is ·all about. If we fail to carry that spirit abroad, we will fail, indeed.

The Peace Corps is not attempting to transplant a culture to the millions of people in the world's underdeveloped nations who are only now beginning to ask what can be theirs in terms of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Their way of life must be just that --their own. But Peace Corps Volunteers are carrying with them --- beyond their skills -- a spirit, a concept, an attitude that says to these people: "We know what you are up against. We have climbed this wa:y, too. We can understand your dreams because they are still our dreams. We know your aspirations and your determinations and we want to share what we know and what we have if it will belp you to grow and prosper"

The speech (and Peace Corps Application) can be found on the wbesite http://www.peacecorps.gov/


If you are thinking about applying: DO! Peace Corps is a wonderful chance to make a difference for someone and have someone make a difference for you. It's not easy, but it's wonderful

Teaching

Learning

Teaching

Learning

Teaching

Learning (well, using something he learned..this by the way is how the grass gets 'mowed')

Teaching

Learning by experiencing...

Grant Approved!

Just wanted to announce that Sean recieved great news in his inbox today. His grant from Apropriate Projects for funds to improve our aquaduct was approved! Check out the link to learn more...
apropriateprojects.com/node/545

congrats to Sean...maybe we will be able to bathe soon...

happy valentine's day!

Grant Approved!

Just wanted to announce that Sean recieved great news in his inbox today. His grant from Apropriate Projects for funds to improve our aquaduct was approved! Check out the link to learn more...
apropriateprojects.com/node/545

congrats to Sean...maybe we will be able to bathe soon...

happy valentine's day!

No excuse on the lateness.

Where to begin?
It has been a long time since I sat down to write a post- I apologize to the faithful readers out there who check regularly for updates.  In this case I can say that no news was good news- we have had an active and exciting time in site the last month and a half, so much so that I have felt overwhelmed when sitting in front of the computer. What is there to say?  Suddenly I am pressed for time, so i will give you just a quick rundown of what is going on with us.

On January 4th we started our summer camp: Expolradores (explorers). Because families were still living in the schools of Boquerón Abajo, our camp ended up being only in the school of Boquerón Arriba.  We have our last week next week and I can definitely say that camp was a success and it was a lot of fun!

Sean had never been a teacher before, but he picked it up very quickly and the campers love science class. His classes have been very hands on with all sorts of fun expirements (like a bottle rocket). His big project with them has been a stream survey where they sample the water daily and each day test a different aspect of it. All of the kids participated in observing and recording the date. Even cooler? Local scientists from the Panama Canal Authority (ACP) are coming to talk to the students about their tests, some of which are very similar. Some of these kids are definitely walking away from camp inspired about science- maybe they can see a future for themselves in the field.

My classes have been English,Art and Story-time.  I have been able to test out some new teaching methods and encourage some much needed creativity.  We of course always include time for games- I am always amazed by how easy it can be to entertain them. We have a wide range ofparticipants- from 4 to 16 years old, so sometimes it can be difficult to make sure they are all enjoying themselves/learning, but I think we have been pretty succesful with that.

We officially have a chicken! She was gifted to us by a community member who knew that we liked the chickens with feathers on their legs. Sean had made a comment that 'these chickens have pants' and she got a kick out of it. Because of her penchant for pants, we have named our chicken Hillary Clinton (or Chicken of the State) . I should point out that this not a knock on Secretary Clinton, or her pantsuits. More like an honor because we adore our chicken.  We have been learning all about the care of chickens. I am definitely going to have a hard time when it is time for her to become dinner...but that is a ways away yet. Right now we are waiting for her to start laying eggs. Then we look for Bill.

Our aqueduct is still not functioning, despite hundreds of man hours spent fixing and cleaning it. Right now Sean is shifting his focus to restore water in the community and working tirelessly on this aquaduct. There is a well so we do have access to water for drinking and eating. We are able to use the river for bathing/laundry now that it is finally back to its beautiful self after the flood. It is truly the most gorgeous color of blue/green- I wish we had a picture to show you!

I just finished up a week-long seminar in the province of Cocle.  There were sets of 2 volunteers in 6 provinces doing these trainings. My partner, Cait, and I trained 40 English teachers last week on different teaching methods, learning styles, classroom management techniques and approaches to teaching foreign languages.  The training was a huge success and the teachers were an enthusiastic group to work with.  It is really different for me to see what kind of resources other schools have- to think that these teachers are purely dedicated to English and in Boquerón we have one teacher who does everything, for all grades. I do wish I had an English teacher to work with in my site so that I could leave knowing that students would continue to learn English after I am gone. It felt rewarding to work with these teachers, hopefully impacting the quality of English education that students are recieving in Cocle.

We had a future volunteer visit us during her training. It was a great time to introduce a trainee to the real life of a volunteer (which can be way different than your very busy, very structured trainee life) and she was a good sport about our rough conditions (even when she almost drank a large hairy spider in her drink, and probably did swallow two of its legs).  We took her on an awesome hike overlooking Boquerón, and htough we probably all got a little sunbunred despite our best efforts, it was definitely worth the trek once we got to the top of the hill.

frog sean spotted on the hike

I am also excited to tell you that I was elected VAC secretary for this coming year (April to April). VAC is the Volunteer Advisory Council and serves as a voice between the office and the volunteers. The board, which consists of 4 members, also sells merchandise to raise money for grants which are given out throughout the year for projects. I am really excited to be a part of the board! It does take me out of site from time to time, but for good reason.

So that is a non-exhaustive rundown of what we have been up to. To sum it up: life is amazing. we are happy. we are healthy. we are busy in the best way. we miss and love you.

one last cool pic from our latrine:

A Long Two Weeks

For those of you who have been paying attention to Panamanian news (I have a feeling there aren't too many of you) you might have notice that the Panama Canal was shut down for the first time in 100 years because of rain. The rain that shut down the Canal was impacting Boquerón in a big way as well. We came back to our house on Monday (12/6) after a meeting. We knew that there had been rain up in Bocas Del Torro, but we had a dry ride up to site and were not thinking about anything more than your average wet season aguacerro (hard rain) coming our way. All of the wet season we had seen had been reasonably dry..we would have a few days of on and off aguacerros all day but most days were pertty sunny with one aguacaerro, usually in the afternoon and then more sun.


On Tuesday we woke up and it was COLD. Now, I know what has been going on in the states weather wise so I won't even pretend that this was actual cold, but for Boquerón, with an average daily temperature of 90 degrees, it definitely qualified as frio. The wind was in full force, blowing our sheet/wall all over the place and causing me to put on a...wait for it....sweatshirt. And pants. No joke. So far nothing more than a light drizzle, but around ten o'clock in the morning the skies started darkening and we decided to hole up in the house for what we knew would be a hard enough rain that no one would out working (otherwise we would be feeling guilty holed up in our house with people out there getting things done!) . Then the rains started.



They started like any other aguacerro, really intense and incredibly loud on our zinc roof (the zinc sometimes makes you think its raining really hard and then you walk outside and actually it has only been sprinkling...but this was definitely loud). But after a little while it became apparent that this wasn't your average aguacerro. For starters, the rain didn't slow down. Normally we excpect a loud, heavy burst of rain, a slow down,maybe another burst and another slow down (maybe not) and then completely ended. But this storm kept going and going and going. Instead of slowing down it got louder - at one point Sean and I , in our tiny house, could literally not hear each other talking. It went on like this for 36 hours. No exaggeration at all. 36 straight hours of the most intense rain we had ever seen in Boquerón.



When the rains finally stopped and people started coming out of their houses, Sean went out to pasear (visit with families), I hung out in the house and played cards with some of the kids. As the kids showed up they started telling me about what Sean would be finding on his trip to visit families- there was major destruction throughout Boquerón. Landslides that pushed mud and dirt down the one road in town, preventing any form of transportation from coming up. Landslides and flooding that destroyed nine houses to the point that the families cannot live in them.Other houses, while not completely destroyed, did suffer damage as a result of the flooding/landslides- not only to the houses themselves but also to the things inside them. The electricity went out in Boqueron and the neighboring communities. This meant that the cell phone tower everyone relied on was not working- communication is always difficult in Boquerón, but it proved to be even more so immediately following the flood.  

Looking up the road towards our house, clogged culvert

Same clogged culvert as above, different angle...in front of house that luckily saw no serious damage



A little further down at the half way point between Boquerón Arriba and Boquerón Abajo



Still halfway point...example of debris thrown around in the flood

This six foot wall wasn't here before the storm...

Landslide in middle of road



The state of the roads made it The state of the roads made itimpossible for food delivery trucks to make it to the stores in town, leaving the sotres with the limited food they had before the storm. Right now, the families who cannot go back to their homes are living in the school in Boquerón Abajo, where most of the physical flood damage occured. There is one family in Boquerón Arriba that is out of their home, all of the rest were in Abajo. This does not mean that Abajo is seeing more of the suffering than Arriba, as of this moment Arriba still has no water and it doesn't look like we will have it anytime soon.



Sean stayed with this family during our Site Visit Week...the dark part of the wall shows the waterline of the flood

Same house from back

Inside the house

Another house destroyed...the concrete slab on the left used to have a house on it

Man surveying the destruction of his house

The hike to the next community...

mud, mud and more mud

Birds-eye view of some landslides

 

We have  been very impressed with the government response to the flooding...Boquerón has seen a large number of donations and many visits from various government agencies who are checking in with the community and seeing how they can help. The response was extremely fast and the citizens without homes have a place to stay and plenty of food and clean water to get them through. They also have received clothes and toys for the children. The outpouring of support is very comforting for us and for the members of the community as they prepare for the next steps.

One organization coming by (this is from the door of our house)

Interviewing a store owner on his experience with the flood

 Encoutnering all of this destruction and each of the many problems that resulted because of two days of heavy rain was very eye opening. Watching families go through the wreckage that was their home, watching people who I had previously thought of as having nothing lose what they did have, experiencing the loss of communication, transportation and water all showed me, yet again, how lucky I am.  Sean put it really well  one night after he had spent the day helping clean mud out of one of the flooded houses and he was really dirty, dying to clean up, but we had no water to bath with. At first he was frustrated, but he said "It's kind of hard to be frustrated about climbing in to bed filthy when we have a bed and so many people don't". We are so lucky on so many levels...we suffered nothing during the floods and we already have so much more than the other people in our community. Stopping and realizing what other people do not have really makes it apparent what we do have.
Our Peace Corps experience is always presenting us with new moments of reflection, usually in regard to how good we have it, how many things we take for granted in our everyday life. I feel this especially on the days when I feel like I need a break from it all. We are only a few hours from the city and it is easy for us to head to Panama, take a hot shower, eat some junk food (or healthy food, sometimes all I am craving is fruits and vegetables!) have a glass of wine, check the internet, watch tv and sleep without the sound of bats overhead.  One day like this and then back to site and I am a new woman, newly energized with (which at least feels like) a fresh set of ideas, some of our favorite food packed to get us through the next few weeks in site and a positive attitude. When I am down in site I think about the fact that I have this reward coming,this chance to rejuvenate. And it seems innocent enough...but other people in our site don't have that at all.  It is not just the physical things that they don't have, it is that they can never take that moment to clear their minds...they can't take a break from campo life because their life is campo life.  Panama is an isthmus and hardly anyone in out community has seen the ocean...many have never been to Panama City. I take these 'small,local' trips for granted, it is only $2.30 for us to get to the city, I forget what a huge deal it is for people in our community to do something like 'go to the city for the night'...I throw it out so casually because it feels like nothing compared to vacations I used to take back home.

Peace Corps has given us an amazing opportunity to live and work with the people of Boquerón in the way they live and work, giving us an increidble perspective of what it means to be poor in rural Panama, but we can never take away the fact that this is only 2 years of our life.  27 months is a long time, sometimes it seems very long, but we all know how quickly two years will go by (8 months is already gone by tomorrow!)...I think I can never truly know what it feels like to be poor if I have a light at the end of the tunnel..with a specific date attached. It is easy for me to see tomorrow, the future in general, because I know that it comes with many changes in store. It is a totally different thing to plan and hope for the future if you have questions about where your next meal or sleeping place is coming from.The trials and tribulations that they face day in and day out are always there, they never go away. Even when they do get something new for their communtiy or something to improve their quality of life, they are still experiencing what can only be described as a hard life

I am sorry to be rambling here, but I have been reflecting on this a lot lately. I was on my 10th packet of Ramen in just as many days, a week without having had peanut butter, two weeks without water, two weeks without bathing, one week without any clean clothes at all, who knows how long without clean sheets and I knew I wouldn't get to see my family on Christmas and I just wanted to get away and take a break. I felt like complaining about all of those things. But then I started thinking that those complaints werejust really me saying "I have food, just not the kind I want right now. And I have clothes. And I have sheets, and a bed to put them on..they're just not comfortable enough and I have people who love me that are only a phone call away"  I mean really, when it comes down to it, what could I possibly be complaining about?

This is the picture of the area I want to leave you with