Privacy? Ha!

Over the course of the last 18 months (yes, true) we have come to encounter a number of cultural differences. Some things are little, some things are big and all are things we've had to adjust to. There is of course 'panamanian time' which is waaay different than 'american time'... panamanian time means that if you are going to show up to a scheduled event at the advertized time you should bring a book. You then should be prepared to answer questions like "What are you studying?" or "Are you sad?" or "Is that The Bible?" because those are the only explanations for why someone would be reading a book. Panamanian time also means that if you have one meeting scheduled, say at 9 o'clock, that is all meeting attendees can be expected to do that day. You could not schedule a meeting for 3 o'clock in the afternoon and expect anyone at the 9 o'clock meeting to come. But I digress.




The cultural difference on my mind today is that of privacy. We Americans, despite what the number of reality show contestants may indicate, are a private bunch. Latinos are not. I remember when I met my host family for my study abroad trip to Ecuador. I hadn't been in their car for more than 5 minutes when I had already been asked a number of questions about my religion, the religion of my family, my relationship status, etc. Panamanians, at least in my experience, tend to view such topics the same way- fair game. As a result I answer questions every single day about my childless marriage.



Now Sean and I don't have kids. Obviously. In the States it is not so uncommon for married couples our age to not have children and the decision on when to add to our family is a personal one. Our friends and family get this. Those close to us may ask a question or two, but they don't push or pry. Panamanians, on the other hand? I'm talking complete strangers here- they push AND pry. It always starts with 'Are you married?' and progresses immediately to 'And do you have a baby?' and is then followed by a very shock-filled 'WHY!??! But you MUST have children!"



Now here is where things get tricky- especially in the community. Whereas to our friends, family or other Americans I could respond with such things as 'well, financially we are in no position to take care of a child' or 'We would like to be in a certain position career wise first' I cannot say that to the people in Boqueron. How can you tell someone who has no income that you need more money? How can you tell someone who wasn't able to finish middle school because she got pregnant that you- a college graduate- still have other things to accomplish before you have kids. First of all- I am 27, a solid 10 years past the average age of having your first child in Boqueron. Plus, we have already done thing in reverse by getting married first- it is time for me to fulfill my wifely duty and bear children! This, of course, is a much greater foul on my part than 'forcing' Sean to share in laundry, cooking and cleaning duties. Those can be seen as weird American things. But this not being a mom thing, this just doesn't fly.



My go-to response at the moment is 'If I had children I couldn't do Peace Corps and I couldn't be here. If I got pregnant today they would send me home and I want to be here." For most people this is sufficient, though the reaction is always 'well you will have them when you get home, then'. I leave it at that. One time I tried to explain to someone that I wanted to start a career first, but that it all depended on what God wants. The term 'Si Dios quiere' or 'If God wills it' is a very common phrase to throw out. This woman threw it right back at me saying "When you go back to the United States God will want you to have children." Obviously she knows better than me.



Imagine if I had a medial condition preventing me from having children. Or if we were trying unsuccessfully to add to our family. And every day I had to answer questions about WHY I didn't have them. It would be heartbreaking. It's not the case, but by constantly asking such personal questions there is a lot of room for offending someone or for bringing up something emotionally difficult. So this is an aspect of American culture I miss, or an aspect of Panamanian culture that I just can't get used to.



On the other hand, and along the same lines, there is an aspect of the Panamanian aversion to privacy that I do respect and think should be embraced in our American culture. Breastfeeding happens in Panama any time, any place. At meetings, on the bus, mid-conversation. Whenever the child needs to be fed his mother feeds him. It's practical, necessary and women feel no shame in exposing themselves to feed their child. Especially in poorer communities where access to formula is impossible because of cost, children are breastfed for about two years. As soon as a child starts to cry someone will say "Oh, he wants the breast" and then the mom will feed him. There is no racing to find a private area



Now, this was something that took me a while to get used to. I wasn't (and am still not) exactly comfortable sitting next to a stranger on the bus while she feeds her baby. I had to give myself mini 'don't stare!' pep talks, because I was just not used to breasts being pulled out all over the place. I think as Americans we have over-sexualized a functional part of the female anatomy to the point that we are often uncomfortable when it's being used for this purpose. We are encouraged to have children and then when it is time to feed them naturally are shamed into hiding and contorting our bodies in uncomfortable ways to not flash anything that will make someone else uncomfortable. It's silly!



Anyway, I guess I don't know which way I fall on the privacy thing, which culture has it 'right'. I think for me there are those things that are decisions- people have personal decisions to make and factors that help them reach those decisions. That's their business. But natural things that are the part of everyday life- for everyone- we should be comfortable with those things. No one should ever feel embarrassed doing something that needs to be done, and that really they are expected to do.